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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23534032">build me up, tear me down</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alpha Choi Beomgyu, Alpha Choi Soobin, Alpha Kang Taehyun, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst and Feels, Beta Choi Yeonjun, Bottom Huening Kai, Choi Soobin Is Bad At Feelings, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Huening Kai Is Bad At Feelings, Knotting, Love/Hate, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Huening Kai, Porn With Plot, Soobin is the Pack Alpha, TXT is a pack, Top Choi Soobin, everyone is broken</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:01:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,982</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23534032</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Soobin feels frustration rise at Kai's stubbornness, in the harsh way he is treating the person whose heart he just broke.</p>
<p>"This would be a lot easier for you if you would just break the damn bond," he spits out, and Kai recoils.</p>
<p>"Do you want me to?"</p>
<p>or,</p>
<p>Soobin is not ready to let his omega go, but he doesn't really have a choice, does he?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin &amp; Huening Kai, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>build me up, tear me down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soobin has spent the last two weeks in a drunken haze. He's even resorted to some pain killers he found in their-in his bathroom, for when it gets really bad. Which is pretty often.</p>
<p>Kai hasn't broken their mating bond yet. Soobin doesn't know why; it's killing him, flaring up through his entire body whenever he sees the omega and burning him up from the inside out any time someone enters Kai's reclaimed cabin.</p>
<p>He doesn't smell like sex when Soobin is close enough to him, just alcohol and all of his dark emotions, but Soobin is consumed with jealousy at all of the time Kai is spending with people who aren't him. He knows the kind of people who are spending hours in there. Most of the time, people he knows. And he knows Kai is indulging in more than his fair share; he's always in a haze or manic and on the last two missions he's been on he's acted reckless, careless, like he wants to die. Soobin is haunted by the horrible thought that maybe he does.</p>
<p>Which makes Soobin a danger on their missions because he's always getting distracted, searching for his former lover, feeling the constricting protectiveness through their bond and wishing he could just let go of Kai and sever it himself, but he can't. He isn't giving up hope, not yet.</p>
<p>Soobin is taking his hourly walk around the cabins, completely not stalking Kai, when he smells it. The warm, sweet, irresistible scent of Kai. In heat.</p>
<p>He's pissed at Kai, he resents him, but he doesn’t hate him, can’t. A mated omega going through heat without their alpha can be agonizing. Soobin can't let Kai go through that.</p>
<p>As he approaches he nearly collides with an alpha headed in the same direction, lust radiating off of him in waves. Soobin stares directly into his eyes and snarls and the other man retreats quickly.</p>
<p>Soobin breathes in a shaky breath as he reaches the beaded curtain in the doorway, cock pressing hard against his jeans and he wants nothing more than to touch his omega.</p>
<p>He hears moans coming from inside, sounds of discomfort and barely satisfying pleasure, and then his name groaned out. The alpha was going to knock, to be civil and ask to come in, but a primal urge takes over him and he knocks the beads out of his way and rushes inside.</p>
<p>Kai is lying on his back on his bed, flushed and sweaty and shaky, fucking himself with a knotted dildo. His eyes fly open and he inhales deeply, scenting the alpha, coming all over his stomach. The sight makes Soobin's dick throb and he moves closer, but Kai's briefly satiated expression turns cold.</p>
<p>"You can't just barge in here like you own the place."</p>
<p>The alpha is far too aroused to be ashamed and watches as Kai pulls the slick toy out of himself and hops off the bed, storming towards him, unable to walk straight. It could be the heat, or alcohol, or both. The closer he gets, the more Soobin can tell he's in bad condition.</p>
<p>"You're suffering." He lifts a hand to the omega's forehead and keeps it there for a moment until his former lover flinches away. "You're burning up, you have tremors, and you smell like vomit."</p>
<p>"I can handle it."</p>
<p>Soobin feels frustration rise at Kai's stubbornness, in the harsh way he is treating the person whose heart he just broke.</p>
<p>"This would be a lot easier for you if you would just break the damn bond," he spits out, and Kai recoils.</p>
<p>"Do you want me to?"</p>
<p>Soobin sees that Kai is hard again and he moves instinctively moves closer until he can feel the omega's fever radiating through his clothes, the scent tantalizing. The bond between them is singing, taunting him, making him emotional.</p>
<p>"Of course not. But if you're going to leave me, be a fucking man and finish the job."</p>
<p>Kai looks up at him, eyes glassy and unfocused, and reaches his shaky hands up to Soobin's jacket collar, clenching hard. The alpha wonders what he's taken. His temper simmers down a little at the feeling of him trembling, the smell of his sweat and desperation.</p>
<p>"You're a mess, baby. Let me help you."</p>
<p>Kai's demeanor changes in a flash and he pushes Soobin away.</p>
<p>"Then break the bond yourself."</p>
<p>Kai turns around and starts walking toward the bed when Soobin comes up behind him and grabs his arms hard, pressing himself against the omega's back and aching as he feels the warm slick soaking through the front of his jeans. Kai whines and grinds back against him.</p>
<p>"Not gonna happen," Soobin snarls, pushing Kai toward the bed.</p>
<p>"Then do something you're good at and fuck me, I'm sure you've had lots of practice since we've been apart."</p>
<p>Soobin knows Kai is just trying to get under his skin, to push him away and make Soobin lean toward his twisted belief that the omega isn't good enough for Soobin. He knows he doesn't mean it, but it still infuriates him. He's trying to provide for the person who abandoned him but still but won't cut that last cord of hope, and he's being treated like some asshole who sleeps around just weeks after being left by his mate. He doesn't want anyone else, he wants Kai, and he's going to have him.</p>
<p>He makes quick work of undressing himself as the omega lies down on his stomach on the bed, grasping at the sheets and grinding down into the mattress.</p>
<p>As soon as Soobin is undressed he's on top of Kai, sliding into his slick entrance with a hard thrust and pinning his hands over his head roughly.</p>
<p>It's been a month since he's been inside his former mate, he's been yearning for so long. The last time they had sex, before the fall out, it was gentle, passionate; now it's rough and tense and Soobin is so full of anger and hurt as he thrusts in and out of the omega sharply. He's not hurting him, Soobin would never hurt him, it's just all he can offer right now, and probably all that Kai would accept.</p>
<p>"Soobin, <em>alpha</em>," Kai moans, and Soobin wonders if he's said anyone else's name like that since he left. The thought makes him sick and he switches Kai's right hand over so that he's holding both wrists in his left and uses his right hand to grip Kai's hair and lift his face off the pillow to his own.</p>
<p>"Have you been with anyone else since me?"</p>
<p>The omega doesn't respond, just moans loudly when the alpha abuses his prostate.</p>
<p>"Answer me," Soobin growls.</p>
<p>Kai glares at him, a mix of anger and lust at his dominance then looks away. "Not that it's any of your business, but no."</p>
<p>Soobin slows down the movement of his hips, releasing his grip over his hair and letting his head fall back down into the pillow because he can't look Kai in the eyes when he speaks next.</p>
<p>"Tell me you love me."</p>
<p>Soobin buries his face in the omega's damp hair, smells the cocktail of sadness, anger, arousal, and then a sweet scent of something more gentle. He feels pathetic for asking that of Kai but he's desperate.</p>
<p>"Tell me you love me, Huening Kai," he demands as he picks up his pace again, feeling the heat building in his groin, telling him he's close.</p>
<p>"Soobin," the omega says weakly, and then he sniffles.</p>
<p>"Say it, goddamnit!" the alpha yells. "I need to hear it."</p>
<p>"I love you," Kai chokes out and Soobin comes hard, feeling his omega shudder as he follows him. Hearing the words hurt him a lot more than it did comfort him, but he's glad Kai told him.</p>
<p>Soobin collapses on top of him, kissing the back of his mate's head while Kai whispers, "I love you, I love you," over and over. He stops after a minute or so and reaches for a bottle of pills on the nightstand.</p>
<p>"Kai, don't."</p>
<p>The omega ignores him and shakes out two pills and dry swallows them.</p>
<p>"What else have you taken today?"</p>
<p>Kai shrugs nonchalantly. "I shot up a few hours ago."</p>
<p>Soobin grabs Kai by the shoulders and jostles him. "Damnit Kai, are you trying to stop your fucking heart?"</p>
<p>Soobin's knot has gone down so he pulls out and rolls Kai over onto his back to face him.</p>
<p>"No, but I can't say I would particularly care if I did."</p>
<p>Soobin is drowning in sorrow and hopelessness and wants nothing more in the world than to help Kai, but he has no idea how.</p>
<p>"Do you have any idea what that would do to me?"</p>
<p>"Yes. It would give you one less thing to worry about."</p>
<p>Soobin's vision clouds and he punches the pillow just an inch from Kai' head, concerned by his delayed flinch.</p>
<p>"Tell me what to do, dammit. This is <em>killing</em> me."</p>
<p>"Stay away from me. Give up. Or I'll keep taking the life from you until there's nothing left. And you have so much to give. I just don't have the capacity to take it."</p>
<p>Soobin's heart sinks, his stomach sinks, his whole insides feel like they're about to fall out. "What do you mean by that?"</p>
<p>The omega sighs and his eyes flutter closed. "You wouldn’t understand even if I told you, Soobin."</p>
<p>"Then let me help you. I need you,” The alpha chokes out, “I've <em>always</em> needed you."</p>
<p>Kai looks up at the headboard and tears well up in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Soobin."</p>
<p>And then something snaps inside of him, like a rubber band breaking, and Soobin's heart is flooded with darkness, an empty gray isolation.</p>
<p>Kai broke the bond.</p>
<p><em>"I'm so sorry</em>, please forgive me," Kai sobs as Soobin pushes off of the bed and grabs his clothes.</p>
<p>"You know what made you different from the rest of your dickhead family? You had a heart." he whispers. “But you don’t care that you broke mine.”</p>
<p>Kai stares at him as he gets dressed, audibly crying, but Soobin refuses to look at him. He struggles to put his clothes on, he's pretty sure his shirt is on backwards and his boxers are inside out-and then storms through the doorway. He gets tangled in the strings of beads and tears down the curtain in frustration, stomping on it for good measure.</p>
<p>He almost makes it to his cabin before collapsing to his knees, breaking down like he hadn't since a long time ago. People are probably staring at him, their strong, fearless leader crying in the dirt, but Soobin can't see any of them. He doesn't care.</p>
<p>He's not sure how much time passes before a small but strong frame lifts him up-an alpha, Taehyun, his second in command, and drags him into his cabin.</p>
<p>The young alpha dumps him onto his bed and hands him a bottle of cheap whiskey.</p>
<p>"Pull yourself together, you're freaking everyone out," he scolds, crossing his arms.</p>
<p>Soobin stares at the bottle and considers telling him, "Fuck it, you take over," because he's stronger than he is, and he's getting so tired, but when he looks up Taehyun is gone.</p>
<p>He gazes around his surroundings wearily, at the piles of pillows and blankets that make up the nest he never disassembled and he sees red. He starts frantically grabbing the linens and shredding them with his bare hands and when they're torn up and lying dirty on the floor he grabs Yeonjun's knife and begins stabbing into the pillows, sending feathers everywhere. When his bed is messy but basically back to normal he chugs some whiskey and lies down, instantly regretting his actions.</p>
<p>He should have kept the blankets and pillows that didn't smell like Kai.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i just want to write some angst lol</p></blockquote></div></div>
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